|Sunset on Garden Lake, Ely MN|
Fall is here, and although the temperatures are still rather warm, you can feel it in the air, feel the light changes, see the changes in the leaves, and even smell it.
Fall brings both beauty and anxiety for me.
For with the beauty of the fall leaves, and cool crisp air, also comes anxiety of the dark days, and low light that bring on low energy and depression.
Perhaps it's my mood today, although I feel good, maybe I'm just in a reflective mood.
Life is colors for me. I color things in my mind, see emotions in color, and breathe colors in and out.
Blue is the color that beings me the most peace. It's my protective color, and when I wear blue, or see blue, it's calming.
Grey is my depression color.
Yesterday, I met a woman who looked sad. She was smiling, but I could see pain in her body and face.
Later I found out her son was in treatment for the 15th time.
I felt so sad for her. I wished hope for her and her son.
I think that colored my world a little grey.
My past drinking did not just affect me, but everyone around me. Even people I did not know, such as the clerks in quick shop stores, where I'd go and buy a bunch of junk food after drinking. They must have known I was drunk, and who knows how that affected their day, perhaps they went home feeling a little grey.
Addiction was stealing everything that was good in me. It was stealing my vibrancy, my joy, my love. It was stealing my happiness, my creativity, my empathy.
And in place of the goodness, my drinking was giving me pain, anger, resentments, judgments, and selfishness.
My addiction to alcohol was bringing my marriage a great deal of grey. It was eroding all the good things between hubs and I. My recovery has meant the return of the calmness of blue.
We are happier now, and I like happy.
With Much Love,