Color of Sobriety

Dear Readers,
Sunset on Garden Lake, Ely MN

Fall is here, and although the temperatures are still rather warm, you can feel it in the air, feel the light changes, see the changes in the leaves, and even smell it.

Fall brings both beauty and anxiety for me.
For with the beauty of the fall leaves, and cool crisp air, also comes anxiety of the dark days, and low light that bring on low energy and depression.

Perhaps it's my mood today, although I feel good, maybe I'm just in a reflective mood.

Life is colors for me. I color things in my mind, see emotions in color, and breathe colors in and out.
Blue is the color that beings me the most peace. It's my protective color, and when I wear blue, or see blue, it's calming. 
Grey is my depression color.

Yesterday, I met a woman who looked sad. She was smiling, but I could see pain in her body and face.
Later I found out her son was in treatment for the 15th time. 
I felt so sad for her. I wished hope for her and her son.
I think that colored my world a little grey. 

My past drinking did not just affect me, but everyone around me. Even people I did not know, such as the clerks in quick shop stores, where I'd go and buy a bunch of junk food after drinking. They must have known I was drunk, and who knows how that affected their day, perhaps they went home feeling a little grey.

Addiction was stealing everything that was good in me. It was stealing my vibrancy, my joy, my love. It was stealing my happiness, my creativity, my empathy. 
Golfing! 

And in place of the goodness, my drinking was giving me pain, anger, resentments, judgments, and selfishness. 

My addiction to alcohol was bringing my marriage a great deal of grey. It was eroding all the good things between hubs and I. My recovery has meant the return of the calmness of blue.
We are happier now, and I like happy. 

With Much Love,
Wendy

Comments

  1. Hi Wendy,
    That is a beautiful post and I am happy for you and everybody that sobriety gives you the possibility to experience all that joy. :-) Yay to sober living!
    xx, Feeling

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  2. Happy is -way- better than gray! Great post.

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  3. Wendy, such a beautiful post and such a good reminder. You and your husband look so joyful together in this picture. Every moment lived free of the grey is a gift. Although even the grey days brings gifts. That's how we got here. Thanks for sharing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Diana!
      We are in such a better place than during the last few years!
      xo

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  4. Love the colors analogy; very beautifully written!

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  5. It's true. I expect I brought some dark aura with me for years.
    I try now to bring yellow. That's the aura colour I associate with friendliness and happiness.
    I try to chat with strangers in lines, etc and bring them some yellow. It helps me.

    Anne

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    Replies
    1. Yes, yellow is my friendly color too!
      I love colors!!
      xo

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    2. I actually refer to my emotional state in colours. I still don't really understand the words, but I know what a certain colour bring for me.

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  6. And just look at the two of you - both wearing blue!🦋🎽💎💙🔹🔵🔷!!

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  7. Stunning photo and a beautiful post. I also love colour. I bought a very bright striped rug for my living room and it makes me happy each time I look at it. Hugs x (it's TOTW by the way, but I'm having trouble getting the comments to recognise my Wordpress for some reason...)

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  8. Blue is my favorite color :) I just read your piece on "Living Sober" yes, I'm behind a few days! I'm sure you're bringing happy colors to everyone you meet these days! xx

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    Replies
    1. There are so many wonderful things to read regarding Sobriety!
      Thank you so much, Lori!
      xo

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  9. I do love the fall. Thanks for this gift, UT.

    This is especially a good time of year for me because, as I'm not coaching for the first time in my career, I can really stop and enjoy the colors!

    Here's to the 10am writers club!

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  10. This is great.

    I remember the summer I was in rehab - I was shut up in this idyllic old country house in the middle of the country but really wrapped up in myself. Anyway... they discharge me. And then I go back every week one day a week for some months. In that summer I remember driving back through the country lanes and my check-in at the start of the morning was... "Trees are green. No I really mean green all sorts of greens. Each one is different and vibrant and colourful in a distinct way to the next." I looked around a room at a sea of uncomprehending faces until I got to my focal counsellor who was taking that group - he had some kind of knowing smile. At the end of the day we discussed me moving to the evening aftercare group not coming back into the main group in the house.

    I also often refer to my pre-drinking self as "That guy who looked a bit like me in a black and white movie" - it seems all devoid of colour my life before recovery.

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    Replies
    1. What a wonderful experience, to see all the nuances in life!
      For the counselor to know and understand. Just beautiful.
      Thank you, Graham!
      xo

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