Self-Compassion

Dear Readers,
The one thing I have learned in recovery and therapy, is that I cannot be a very giving person when I am treating myself with anger. 
I have written about being angry at my body and being very hard on myself, before.
I have made wonderful strides in this area, and now I am much nicer to myself.
I know I am human, and can only do what I can.
I know I will make mistakes.
It took a lot of self talk and reading to learn to do this. A good therapist helped, as well as listening to other people at meetings. 

The kinder I am to myself, I find I extend that kindness to other people. 
We are all humans. 
On Our Thanksgiving Walk
I now realize everyone suffers in life. Everyone makes mistakes. 
When I judge myself less, I find myself judging other people less. 

I had to learn to forgive myself for the things I had done when I was drinking.
This came about while I made amends to people I had hurt, especially my husband. He loves me unconditionally, and therefore I was able to start to heal myself. 

Why is it we can't treat ourselves as we would a good friend?
Why do I think I can change myself with anger?
Why do we live with expectations that we must be nothing but perfect?
Why do we compare ourselves to others in a way that hurts only us?

I forgot that my gifts to offer the world, are my own. Your gifts are yours. Instead of hating myself for what gifts I don't have, I am learning to love myself for what I can give. 

I want to send everyone the message that in recovery you can find hope, joy, happiness, and love. For yourself, and for other people. You can learn to find your gifts, your talents, to give of yourself to the world. You can be strong and brave. You can have faith. You don't have to be perfect anymore. You can be open to new experiences. You can, just as I can, and as all those who have gone before us did.

And when I am being angry at myself, I just put my hand on my heart and say, "You are loved, you are loving."

Treat yourself kindly.
With soft, loving hands, 
Wrap yourself in a blanket,
Cocoon yourself in.

May the sun shine above you,

May it warm from within,

Treat yourself kindly,

Be caring, forgive.

Hold yourself gently,

With compassion and faith,
Wrap yourself up in love,
With a healing embrace.

May grace be above you,

May grace be within,

Love yourself kindly,


Be gentle, forgive.


With Joy,
On Day 1177,
Wendy

Comments

  1. I just love this post Wendy, it's so beautiful. This really is the key to staying sober long term. xxx

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    1. Thank you, HFC! I believe it is so important.
      xo

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  2. This is wonderful, Wendy.
    "Why is it we can't treat ourselves as we would a good friend?
    Why do I think I can change myself with anger?
    Why do we live with expectations that we must be nothing but perfect?
    Why do we compare ourselves to others in a way that hurts only us?"

    This is all me. My perfectionism still crops up more often than I would like, and for sure I suffer with the comparison thing. I think we certainly are harsher on ourselves than we would ever be with anyone else. I am a work-in-progress in that department for sure. But your wise words help and it's clear you have and continue to do the work of self-forgiveness and self-love.

    Thank you for this
    Paul

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    Replies
    1. It’s me, too! It does take awareness of when I am thinking in these ways. Then I can pray, change channels, and think in terms of gratitude!
      Thank you, Paul!
      xo

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  3. Such a good and important post. Self-love is huge and harder than it looks (or ought to be in an ideal world.)

    Xoxo

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  4. Such a good post Wendy. Thank You foor the reminders. I am, more often than not, harder on myself than I need to be. My family and friends always remind me of what all i have been through, how far I've come and how i never let it beat me down...well, ok, occasionally I let it beat me down. Being kinder to ourselves is definitely good for the soul.

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    1. It is! Thank you for your comment!
      I can still get down, especially in comparing myself to other people, but now I can work through faster, and not let it lead to resentments or anger.
      xo

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  5. Thanks, Wendy, for this beautiful post. You remind me that so much of this recovery thing is an inside job. You stunning poem speaks to this. May the sun shine within. May grace be within. It's been a difficult journey to get right with myself, and I often fall back into old ways of treating myself. Like you, I am hard on myself. Thanks for reminding me to forgive, to be gentle, to love myself kindly. Such a gift to know I am not alone.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your lovely response! I hope your new semester teaching goes well!
      xo

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  6. Nice Wendy - really fantastic and great time of the year to remind us :)
    M xx

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  7. Those holidays are tough aren't they? It's so hard, at least I find it really hard, to be mindful during them. So much detraction and craziness. I'm glad you found some time to reflect. Be one with nature. Some incredibly serene and peaceful thoughts came from the chaos. Thanks Wendy for sharing them here. And also, thanks for being such a champion of recovery and supporter of others who recover. You do so much for the digital tribe. I know I'm not alone in thanking you for it.

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    1. Thank you so much, Mark! It has helped me to be part of the larger recovery world. xo

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